I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
