You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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