I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
