so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
