i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
