My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
