I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
