I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize