WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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