oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
