Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
