i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
