I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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