What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
