Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
