There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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