Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
