I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize