I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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