My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
