based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
