Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
