yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
17 year olds will be the death of me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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