I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
