ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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