What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize