absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
