Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
