My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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