Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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