it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
