Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
