tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
birth control should be required to get into college
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
