i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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