did you get engaged???
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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