OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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