nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
