Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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