Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
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