you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sober January is a disaster.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
