I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
