I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
