I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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