Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
