i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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