We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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