your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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