K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
