im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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