im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
