i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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