thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
