It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
