Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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