She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
