I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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