just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
