i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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