plz talk dirty to me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
