i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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