I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
there is glitter all over my balls
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