I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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