I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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