Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
