At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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