never play flip cup with pint glasses
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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