Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
