She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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