i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
