I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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