Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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