my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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