He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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