There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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